by Karen Braun, Michigan Regional Coordinator
This weekend, Chess Wizards hosted the Fall 2024 Metro-Detroit Chess Tournament at Seaholm High School in Birmingham, Michigan. Nearly 120 students from 30 area schools battled it out on the board hoping to bring home a trophy. The competition was friendly but intense. Everyone wanted to win but that is not possible. In a Swiss-style tournament with no elimination, it’s tough to lose once but multiple losses can be devastating. The heartache is felt immediately, causing some students to want to quit the tournament and maybe even give up chess completely.
That was the case with one young student who had lost her first couple of rounds. Her mom approached me with a look of desperation, “Can you please speak to my daughter, she lost and wants to quit.”
I took a deep breath and focused my attention on the little girl. Her eyes were filled with tears as her shoulders shook with disappointment; despite her mom’s steady arm wrapped around her. I’ve been in these situations many times before but each one grips my heart like it was the first time. As a parent, we hope our kids win but know that guiding them through a loss is essential to their emotional development.
In my most compassionate reassuring voice I began, “So, you lost your last couple of games, and you’re feeling pretty sad?”
She kept her eyes fixed on her shoes but shook her head up and down.
“So, what are you telling yourself right now?” I asked hoping she might be willing to talk it out a bit.
“I can’t win. I’ll never win.” She whispered.
I paused to let her words settle into the space between us. Then I repeated them back, “So you feel like you can’t win, and you’ll never win. I bet you just want to go home. Is that how you feel?”
“Yeah” She replied.
“That makes sense. Losing a game is not fun especially at a tournament.” I took another brief pause then took a risk to ask a follow-up question. “Let me ask you this, do you want to win a chess game?” Putting strong emphasis on the word “want.”
“Yes.”
“So if you want to win a chess game. What do you have to do to win a chess game?”
She thought for a brief second then replied in a questioning tone, “Play a chess game?”
“That’s right. To win a chess game, you must take a risk and play the next game.”
Her breathing slowed and she began to calm down a bit.
I gently asked a follow-up, “Are you willing to play one more round and see how it goes?” Hoping that she would say yes but accepting that she could say no.
Surprising me a bit, she looked up and said yes! “That’s great! Let’s see what happens.” I smiled and gave her a high five.
A short time later, as I was walking down a flight of stairs, I heard joyful shouts of a student calling my name. “Wizard Karen, Wizard Karen, I won! I won!” I gave her another high five and congratulated her on her win and her perseverance.
Learning to play chess and entering a scholastic tournament is a wonderful opportunity to risk failure to learn to succeed.
